Monthly Archives: May 2008

Pirate John!

I met a pirate. Not sure how long ago it was (i would have to go to my old bravenet guestbook), but let’s just say it was this time last year. I was working behind the tile (hey what can I say, my bar isn’t made of wood) and struck up a nice conversation with a couple. Turned out they were both parrotheads and we bonded.

Well last night I was working again as luck would have it and in came Pirate John and his companion, errr…Kathy? (I hope his fair-haired friend will forgive me for being unsure of both their status and her name. Pirate John is a name, much like Tiki, that sticks in a person’s head).

The bar was full so they sat at a table and enjoyed some live music. I was able to chat with them very briefly on a bottle run. Sadly, it was busier this time than it was the last time they were here. Gave them a couple breakfast recommendations, etc. Most likely they enjoyed an open air breakfast at Java Joint this morning.

Pirate John is not a real pirate. Real pirates were actually quite unpleasant, not at all like the Disney/ Johnny Depp version. John is, like many of us parrotheads, a good-natured scoundrel. When people tell me I have the devil in my eyes, they mean in a mischievous sort of way not a Charles Manson sort of way (at least I hope so!!!). John is similar to me, as best I can tell. But first impressions rarely lie.

John is a modern adventurer, using an Iron Horse rather than a sailing ship. Lucky for all of us, he keeps records of his trips and publishes them for us to read! At his website he makes available motorcycling travel guides for Northeast Florida and the Florida Keys. You can access his blog, bio, etc at his personal page Pirate John, himself.

Nice to see you John!

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Hug a teacher today!

Or give them a candy bar. Or bring them a bag of gourmet coffee. Or give them some cash.

Whatever the gesture, show a teacher some aloha today or sometime soon.

My wife, Mrs. Tiki, and her colleagues spends hours a day with kids (in Sara’s case, first graders). Some of the kids are eager to learn, some are eager to cause trouble. ALL are full of energy and VOLUME. For the most part, the teachers maintain a cheery and positive attitude.

I spent two hours as a chaperone on a bowling field trip this morning and I needed a nap! I am wiped out to the point of irritability. I have volunteered for Sara before and I can say to myself after every such occurance “How the eff do they do that every day?!?!?”

So I am say on record Mahalo and Aloha nui loa to all the teachers and former teachers I know.

In related news, The Golden Lion will be having one of it’s few times a year “Teacher Appreciation Nights” on June 6 (the last day of school for teachers in this part of the world), with discounts and free hors d’oveurs. So spread the word to teachers you know in the area!

Psst…these nights were my idea a couple of years back. 😉

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Landlocked with a tropical soul?

I was checking my web traffic last night and noticed some hits from Just like you probably are now I said to myself “What is snoloha?” I clicked on the link and found this nice blog post by the founder of the company.

Snoloha is a clothing brand mainly for those that have a tropical soul but live in the cold. I say mainly because it is not just for people in cold climates. It is also NOT just a clothing company.

Thanks again to Rob for the mention!

From their website:

“Snoloha is much more than a brand, or a scene of snow falling on an island. Snoloha is a way of life. Snoloha is a reflection of how we live, work, play, vacation, and simply enjoy life Somewhere between the islands and the arctic. So whether you’re island hopping in the Caribbean or heli-skiing in Alaska, sitting in a cubicle wishing you were somewhere else, or on a plane headed “anywhere”, it is our goal at Snoloha to share these passions and experiences through unique designs and a growing community of individuals who also enjoy this lifestyle.”

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News From Meet The Phlockers (Psst….there is something about me in it)

WOW! Almost 4000 Members on Meet The Phlockers!
Quick Links

Featured Phlocker

Tiki Tender


What’s New On

Meet The Phlockers!

That’s right Phlockers, we are now almost 4000 Phlockers strong! Be sure to log on today to browse all the new members to see who you might recognize!
Did you know that there are 136 Groups on MTP? Groups range from “Fins Up Singles” , with 142 members to the “Parrothead Food & Drink Club” with 280 members! No matter what your interest, you will find a group that feels like home!

The new Events feature serves as a “calendar” for our members to plan, announce and share all their “tropical-minded” events with their Phriends and other Phlockers on MTP.

Speaking of events, Bill and Trace are planning an awesome Tailgate party at the Jimmy Buffett concert in Atlanta on June 5th at Lakewood Amphitheatre! If you plan to be at the concert you must not miss this party. Trace, Bill, Dj Jeff Allen and The Parrot Island Band will be hosting this throw down! Stop by and meet them! We will have live music, conga, give-aways, and much more.

See ya there!

Bill and Trace,


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Memorial Day Weekend!! (is over!!!)

I hope everyone had a great extended weekend. The weather in my area was outstanding, from what I could tell. Of course I worked all weekend, which means I didn’t have as much fun as some. But I also have more fun at my job than many.

I so enjoy what I do, that I rarely complain. Holiday weekends do tend to bring out the worst in people, or at least the nutty in them. Needless to say, I was ready for the weekend to be over. Allow me to correct anyone who would say “But Tiki, it must be worth it because you make such good money.” I make less on a typical holiday weekend than any normal weekend. It is difficult to explain, but true.

Even karaoke last night was uneventful. Jason, David, & I (aka The Three Amigos) were all out together and it was a shame that there wasn’t a better mix of people out to enjoy us! It is rare these days for all three of us to be out together, so you missed out Flagler Beach!!!

A couple of things to pass along:

This is a terrific site to watch full feature films and TV episodes. It is a part of the Universal family, so these are top quality videos. Some to look for: Full Episodes of The Office, House, Psych, Heroes, Scrubs, 24, Family Guy, & Arrested Development. An aside, if you haven’t enjoyed Psych or Arrested Development you really are missing some genius television. You can also find episodes of The A-Team, Starsky & Hutch, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Married With Children, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Doogie Howser, WKRP in Cincinatti and more more more.

If it sounds like I am a fan of the site, well duh! After all it was on, that I finally enjoyed The Big Lebowski! Popular movies this month include, Dude, Where’s My Car?, Ice Age, 28 Days Later, Fever Pitch, Undiscovered, The Usual Suspects, Weekend At Bernie’s, and The Jerk!

So go check it out, you won’t be sorry.

David Lane Project:

My friend David Lane (one of the three amigos) is perched on the brink of stardom. Please check him out on myspace at and on the web at Look for him on and

The Chevrolet Legends discs are out and being distributed. David is on the CD with the likes of The B-52s, Trisha Yearwood, Billy Joel, & Sheryl Crow.

Have you ever noticed the little Foxy Tunes signatures in my blogs? Look down…see the “now playing” entries. This blog has taken awhile so there are four. This is a coold web 2.0 feature. You can click on the signatures, and find out all about the songs, artists, watch video etc. Check it out!!!

Okay…have to get my car unlocked today…anyone got skills as a locksmith or thief? I really don’t want to call a locksmith!!!

Now playing on Windows Media Player: Ray Charles – Fever
via FoxyTunes

Now playing on Windows Media Player: Willie Nelson – Help Me Make It Through the Night
via FoxyTunes
Now playing on Windows Media Player: Ziggy Marley – Beach In Hawaii
via FoxyTunes
Now playing on Windows Media Player: Jack Johnson – Dreams Be Dreams
via FoxyTunes

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David Keith walks into a bar….

… and orders a Ketel One martini, no vermouth. A pretty nice guy, we had a nice (but quick) conversation while I prepared his drink. I told him I enjoyed his recent work in Law & Order: CI and SVU. He paid, sipped his drink, wished me Happy Memorial Day, then returned to the upper deck to rejoin his party. He was visiting friends in the area.

Probably best known as Sid Worley, the suicidal officer-in-training from An Officer and a Gentleman, David has 32 feature film credits starting with The Rose in 1979 and his most recent work, playing the Vice President of The United States in the unfortunate In Her Line Of Fire. In 1988 David, born in Knoxville, TN in 1954, played his childhood idol Elvis Presley in Heartbreak Hotel. TRIVIA: David named his daughter “Presley”.

You probably recognize David’s face from his television appearances. As I mentioned, the episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent in which he plays a corrupt cop is one of my favorites. He also had a guest role on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit as a former partner of Eliot Stabler. Fans of CSI: Miami will recognize him as Agent Caldwell from a recent episode.

David’s distinctive jaw and All-American good looks are a natural fit for roles as cop, soldier, sailor, detective, etc. He is known for portraying “flawed anti-heroes”, such as Sid Worley, the corrupt cop Mark Virgini (Criminal Intent), and even Elvis.

In case you need a refresher, here are a few more notable items in his body of work:

  • The Lords Of Discipline (1979)
  • Firestarter (1984)
  • The Indian In The Cupboard (1995)
  • Men Of Honor (2000)
  • Behind Enemy Lines (2001)
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Brewers’ Gagne placed on 15-day DL

Brewers’ Gagne placed on 15-day DL

My MLB look-alike i son the DL! Bummer!!!

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UDISCOVERME.COM Your source for the best and brightest up and coming musicians!

Hey guys do me a favor and stop by this site. Give a listen to a couple of the artists and vote for the ones you like. This is a fledgling, but nonetheless legitimate site that I am involved with. Top vote getter during this vote period will receive a $100 cash prize.

Musicians: Contact me to get your listing included!!

Mahalo Nui Loa!

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10 Commandments for Drinking Like A Man

with thanks to

Guys, I hate to say it…but a lot of you are letting me down. More importantly, you’re letting yourselves and your gender down. Every time I go out to a bar and I see a guy with a purple or pink shot in their hand, a small part of Burt Reynolds’s mustache dies. When I venture out to a restaurant and I see a man with a martini that is any other color than clear, I am forced to say a small weeping prayer for the future of mankind. Now I don’t mean to turn this into a post strictly directed at guys, because ladies…this is of the utmost importance to you too. What a person drinks says quite a bit about who they are, and if the man at your side prefers drinks with umbrellas over ones with whiskey, well…you’ve got some serious decisions to make. So without further ado, I present:

1. Thou Shalt Learn to Enjoy Whisk(e)y – Bourbon, Scotch, Irish, Tennessee whiskey and every other form of the drink shall heretofore be your best buddy. You can start by mixing with soda at first to ween yourself into it if you need to (Jim Beam and Coke is a perfectly acceptable manly drink), but at some point you’re going to have to learn to drink the stuff on its own. It’s a complex, mysterious and brooding spirit, which are not coincidentally three things you as a man should also strive to be. This commandment is the most important, and the hardest to get through, which is why it’s first. If you can master the ways of Daniels, Walker, Dickel, Jameson and Glenlivet…the rest of this should be cake.

If she can do it, so can you, you big lady

2. There is No Such Thing as a “Chocolate Martini” – This has been said elsewhere many a time before, but it bears repeating. The only things that should be in a martini are gin (or a quality vodka), vermouth, and garnish like an olive or onion. Anything else, and you’ve made a grave mistake punishable by a lifetime of Grey’s Anatomy reruns.

3. Thou Shalt Not Drink a Frozen Drink – The ONLY exception to this is if you’re at the beach or on a cruise. Otherwise, stick to hunks of ice or chilled mugs to cool your drink. Alcohol is not meant to be drunk in smoothie form.

4. Thou Shalt Not Consume Drinks With Idiotic Gimmicky Names Meant to Cover Up How Girly They Are – So help me God, if I see any of you jackasses out there with a Sex on the Beach or a Screw Me Blue in your hands, I’ll slap it to the ground and eat your worthless soul so fast you’ll truly come to appreciate the phrase “life flashed before my eyes” like never before. You’re not fooling anyone. Just because peach schnapps has some alcohol in it does not qualify it as an alcoholic beverage. It has its place in the great wide world of booze, but mixed up with 18 other fruit-flavored alcohols and garnished with a paper umbrella and stupid name ain’t it.

5. Thou Shalt Learn to Appreciate All Forms of Beer – If Natty Light, Keystone and Coors are your idea of what beer is and is meant to be, you’re living your drinking-life like that of a child in sub-Saharan Africa. Bring that inner impoverished child into the “civilized” world and open your dry crusty wind-chapped eyes to the world of ambers, stouts, saisons, hefeweissens and the multitude of heavenly hops-angels just waiting to surround you and give you a glimpse of the Promised Land. While you’re still getting over your silly stigma that Guinness is a “heavy” beer and cringing at the thought of a slice of lemon in your Hoegaarden, the rest of us will be happily melting our brains away into oblivion. With the superhot hops-angels, of course.

Get used to it, Jack

6. No Worthwhile Woman Will Ever Be Impressed With How Much You Can Drink – Being able to funnel six beers at once or taking down an entire fifth of rum in one night may impress the shit out of your buddies, but no quality woman on earth will give a damn about how much you can drink. For that matter it’s really not worth even trying, as trying and failing will produce far more disgusting consequences than you ever bargained on. Let it be known: while some refer to alcohol as “Liquid Panty Remover”, puke is far better known as “Liquid Loneliness”.

7. It’s More Than Okay to Drink Wine – Knowing the name of a few good Cabernets and Pinot Noirs is a highly valuable thing. Inevitably in your life you’ll need to go to expensive restaurants for anniversaries, birthdays, and pet funerals… and knowing what’s good vs. what tastes like grape-flavored vinegar not only makes you look smart and sophisticated, but saves you from drinking grapes that taste like they were fermented in horseshit. Become familiar with the ins-and-outs of a few wines, and the impression you’ll make will be well worth it. Being labeled as “cultured” is never a bad thing…being labeled as “ignorant” always is.

8. It’s Worth it to Learn the Rules and Traditions of the Drinking World Before You Go Out Into the Wild (and Make an Ass Out of Yourself)Pro Tip: When drinking one of the aforementioned obligatory wines at one of the aforementioned stuffy and overpriced restaurants, do not sniff the cork. Check it for mold or odd discoloration, and then put it down…but do not sniff it like a damned country bumpkin. Pro Tip 2: Do not make a big show of popping the cork off a bottle of champagne. Hold a cloth or towel over the cork and catch it before it shoots into the ceiling. It’s the grown-up thing to do. There are a thousand small rules like these (or maybe “customs” is a better word?) surrounding the booze-life that knowing can be the difference between you looking like a showboating know-nothing jackass, or a refined gentleman of great taste and culture. The two mentioned here are a start, but take the time to learn what separates grown men from the forever-frat-boys and you’ll be more than a few steps ahead.

Welcome to Assholeville, population: YOU

9. The Way You Treat Bartenders and Waitstaff Says More About You Than You Know – I don’t mean to get all Jesus-y on you guys, but as the Good Book says, “That which you have done unto the least of these, you have done unto me.” And I can tell you, that’s exactly how a woman or prospective business associate will see it. Snapping, clapping, yelling, whistling or just general rudeness to someone waiting on you are a sure sign to anyone in your company that if they spend enough time around you, you’ll eventually treat them with the same selfish nonchalance and disdain that you treat those who are paid to be nice to you. And for crying out loud, TIP WELL. You have no idea how far this can take you.

10. Any Free Drink is a Good Drink – I know, this seemingly negates some of the previous rules, but hear me out. Not even mentioning the many economical reasons that you should never ever in your life turn down a free drink when offered to you (which essentially boil down to: YOU’RE NOT BUYING IT AND IT’S NOT POISON, SO WHO CARES!?!), it’s just plain RUDE to turn down a shot or drink purchased by someone else for you (unless it is, in fact, poison). They’ve not only put down their hard-earned dollar to buy you a taste of the good life, but they’ve also taken the social gamble of saying “Hey, this is a person who deserves a drink for saving babies/stopping (evil) moving trains/kicking my ass in Guitar Hero, and by golly…I’m going to buy them a beverage in public to show the world how noteworthy their accomplishment is!” That’s quite simply a proposition you can’t say no to. If you do, you’re a dick.

Much like the Bible, there are many more minor rules to the world of drinking, but these are the Big 10, the ones that in a general sense should guide you throughout your journey through this magical world of booze and keep you from temptation and harm. It’s a cold and frightening world out there, but by following these simple rules you definitely have a better chance of emerging unscathed.

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Why I Love Sunday Night Vinyl…

I always look forward to Sunday Night Vinyl when I am off. Here is a list of songs from about the last 60 minutes:

Boys Don’t Cry by The Cure
So Lonely by The Police
I’m A Lighthouse by Wild Swans
Don’t Drop The Baby by Judybats
Dear God by Midge Ure
Pet Sematary by The Ramones
Bad Days by The Charlatans UK
Walking Away by Information Society

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