Monthly Archives: May 2007

Things That Sound Dirty In "Star Wars"

In honor of the 30 year anniversary, here’s the list of lines in the original trilogy that sound dirty, for Beth & Paul

* “Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care what you smell!”
* “Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?”
* “Put that thing away before you get us all killed.”
* “You’ve got something jammed in here real good.”
* “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?”
* “You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.”
* “Sorry about the mess…”
* “Look at the size of that thing!”
* “Curse my metal body, I wasn”t fast enough!”
* “She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.”
* “I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.”
* “Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?”
* “There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.”
* “That”s okay, I’d like to keep it on manual control for a while.”
* “Hurry up, golden-rod…”
* “I must’ve hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?”
* “It’s possible he came in through the south entrance.”
* “And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!”
* “Control, control! You must learn control!”
* “Hey, point that thing someplace else.”
* “I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.”
* “I never knew I had it in me.”
* “There is good in him, I’ve felt it.”
* “Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me — now I owe you one.”
* “Back door, huh? Good idea!”
* “She’s gonna blow!”
* “I think you”ll fit in nicely.”
* “Rise, my friend.”
* “I’m sure he wasn’t on that thing when it blew…”
* “Wedge! Pull out! You”re not doing any good back there!”

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May The Tiki Be With You

Just for fun, movie quotes Tiki Style! For even more fun…guess the movie!

Make your own movie quotes at

1. May the Tiki be with you.

2. If you build it, Tiki will come.

3. I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take Tiki anymore!

4. Funny like I’m a Tiki? I amuse you?

5. Have you ever danced with the Tiki in the pale moonlight?

6. I’ll be Tiki.

7. I love the smell of Tiki in the morning.

8. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his Tiki.

9. I feel the need – the need for Tiki!

10. I want that Tiki, not excuses.

11. The power of Tiki compels you.

12. You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a Tiki.

13. Of all the Tiki joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

14. Go ahead, make my Tiki.

15. I defy you! Come and kneel before Tiki!

16. You had me at ‘Tiki’.

17. Keep your friends close, but your Tiki closer.

18. Come with Tiki if you want to live.

19. First rule of Tiki Club is – you do not talk about Tiki Club.

And finally….
20. You can’t handle the Tiki!

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31 questions (Survey)

1. Do you know anyone in Prison? i don’t think so, but i used to work in juvenile corrections so some of those kids probably are

2. Have you ever logged onto a bf/gf/crush’s MySpace page? no

3. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? yesterday yumm!

4. Which do you enjoy more: Soccer or Hockey? if i had to choose, hockey

5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party? heck yeah!

6. Name someone you miss: there are times, usually when crushed behind the bar, i miss Carol G. like crazy!

7. Are you named after a grandparent? nope

8. Who loves you? i like everyone!

9. Have you ever broken a rib? not my own

10. Would you rather be a girl or a guy? it would be kind of cool to switch for a while, but i think i would miss peeing while standing

11. Who is the most spoiled person you know? hmmmm

12. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love? true love…but if it was 5 million….

13. Which of your MySpace friends have a private piercing? they know who they are….

14. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine? no and Marine should be in uppercase

15. What would you describe your last relationship as: sex sex sex

16. Would you rather date someone 2 years younger or older? older

17. What’s your favorite junk food? ice cream

18. Do you have a porn collection? i wouldn’t call it a collection…it’s not like i am gonna put it up in a gallery or something

19. Is your birthday on a holiday? it sometimes falls on Super Bowl Sunday

20. Are you old enough to visit > that’s a goofy ass site

21. Do you have any friends or family in the war right now? there is a war?

22. Are you a vegetarian? i think not

23. Do you worry about global warming? i worry more about recycling and energy conservation

24. Do you like polar bears? isn’t that a hairy gay guy?

25. What song do you want played at your funeral? hmmm…I have always said “Lovely Cruise” by Jimmy Buffett

Drink it up
This ones for you
It’s been a lovely cruise
I’m sorry it’s ended
It’s sad but it’s true
Honey it’s been a lovely cruise

These moments were left with
May you always remember
These moments are shared by few
There’s wind in our hair
And there’s water in our shoes
Honey, it’s been a lovely cruise

These moments we’re left with
May you always remember
These moments are shared by few
And those harbor lights
Aw they’re coming into view
We bid our farewell much too soon
So drink it up
This one’s for you
Honey, it’s been a lovely cruise
Yea baby, it’s been a lovely cruise
Oh darlin’ it’s been a lovely cruise

26. Did you lose your virginity when you were drunk? haha…i wasn’t even close to being legal drinking age

27. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true? well..i think my chances of being the starting catcher for the Royals have passed

28. Do you wear your boyfriend/girlfriends clothes? i think not…well, maybe undies 😉

29. Are you a country or city girl/boy? depends on the city i guess

30.Are you taller than 5’6″? yes

31. Do you consider yourself spoiled? more like lucky

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Today’s Drink Recipe: Kelly’s Buttery Nipple

Kelly’s Buttery Nipple

1 1/2 oz butterscotch schnapps
3/4 oz irish cream
grenadine syrup

Pour schnapps into a rocks glass. Layer the irish cream on top. Using a bar straw, drop a little grenadine down the center, allowing it to settle. In the proper glass the grenadine will form a “nipple” in the bottom. See below 🙂 Thanks to Kelly for the photo!

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My Customers Are Awesome

A belated thanks for these gifts brought to me by customers!!!

A couple (sadly I don’t know their names) who comes in now and then always comment on my the Maori bone pendants I wear. When they went on a long vacation they brought me back this cap.

Paul Whittaker is the best. He & his wife Beth own an embroidery company in Jacksonville. Look what he made for me!

Thanks again to both of you!!!!

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Go Check Me Out!

visit MondoMusiTownCenter and look for the button “See TikiTender Singing Volcano”.

Click to check out the cool video Julie made!!!!!

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Rules For Drinking..The Highlights

Some of my favorites from “The Rules Of Drinking” that Paul Whittaker sent me a while back.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a
slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half
martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and
two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He’ll get the

28. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink in a bar. Go
to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you are the bar’s sole customer, you are obliged to make small
talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you’re
off the hook. The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50,
you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it
to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress,
small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same”,
then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep
their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up.
If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame
it on someone else.

48. Men don’t drink from straws. Unless you’re doing a Mind or Face

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don’t plan to finish it, don’t
accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you’re leaving the bar.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you are broke and a friend is sporting you, you must laugh at all
his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

63. If you’re going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you
tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right
in front of you is the equivalent of saying, I’m an idiot.

67. Never ask a bartender “what’s good tonight”? They do not fly in the
scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your damn drink and step the hell
away from the bar.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers
and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with
these sisters. And if you’re really drunk, the mothers.

71. It’s acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of
hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will
understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you’re
hammered and theyre sober. It’s akin to a precocious five-year-old
arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9 % of the time
you’re wrong and either way you’re going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at
you, you do not deserve a drink.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with I know this is
going to be a hassle, but . . .

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if youre
supposed to be at work.

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Cinco de Mayo History

Cinco De Mayo History

The 5th of May is not Mexican Independence Day, but it should be! And Cinco de Mayo is not an American holiday, but it should be. Mexico declared its independence from mother Spain on midnight, the 15th of September, 1810. And it took 11 years before the first Spanish soldiers were told and forced to leave Mexico.

So, why Cinco de Mayo? And why should Americans savor this day as well? Because 4,000 Mexican soldiers smashed the French and traitor Mexican army of 8,000 at Puebla, Mexico, 100 miles east of Mexico City on the morning of May 5, 1862.

The French had landed in Mexico (along with Spanish and English troops) five months earlier on the pretext of collecting Mexican debts from the newly elected government of democratic President (and Indian) Benito Juarez. The English and Spanish quickly made deals and left. The French, however, had different ideas.

Under Emperor Napoleon III, who detested the United States, the French came to stay. They brought a Hapsburg prince with them to rule the new Mexican empire. His name was Maximilian; his wife, Carolota. Napoleon’s French Army had not been defeated in 50 years, and it invaded Mexico with the finest modern equipment and with a newly reconstituted Foreign Legion. The French were not afraid of anyone, especially since the United States was embroiled in its own Civil War.

The French Army left the port of Vera Cruz to attack Mexico City to the west, as the French assumed that the Mexicans would give up should their capital fall to the enemy — as European countries traditionally did.

Under the command of Texas-born General Zaragosa, (and the cavalry under the command of Colonel Porfirio Diaz, later to be Mexico’s president and dictator), the Mexicans awaited. Brightly dressed French Dragoons led the enemy columns. The Mexican Army was less stylish.

General Zaragosa ordered Colonel Diaz to take his cavalry, the best in the world, out to the French flanks. In response, the French did a most stupid thing; they sent their cavalry off to chase Diaz and his men, who proceeded to butcher them. The remaining French infantrymen charged the Mexican defenders through sloppy mud from a thunderstorm and through hundreds of head of stampeding cattle stirred up by Indians armed only with machetes.

When the battle was over, many French were killed or wounded and their cavalry was being chased by Diaz’ superb horsemen miles away. The Mexicans had won a great victory that kept Napoleon III from supplying the confederate rebels for another year, allowing the United States to build the greatest army the world had ever seen. This grand army smashed the Confederates at Gettysburg just 14 months after the battle of Puebla, essentially ending the Civil War.

Union forces were then rushed to the Texas/Mexican border under General Phil Sheridan, who made sure that the Mexicans got all the weapons and ammunition they needed to expel the French. American soldiers were discharged with their uniforms and rifles if they promised to join the Mexican Army to fight the French. The American Legion of Honor marched in the Victory Parade in Mexico, City.

It might be a historical stretch to credit the survival of the United States to those brave 4,000 Mexicans who faced an army twice as large in 1862. But who knows?

In gratitude, thousands of Mexicans crossed the border after Pearl Harbor to join the U.S. Armed Forces. As recently as the Persian Gulf War, Mexicans flooded American consulates with phone calls, trying to join up and fight another war for America.

Mexicans, you see, never forget who their friends are, and neither do Americans. That’s why Cinco de Mayo is such a party — A party that celebrates freedom and liberty. They are two ideals which Mexicans and Americans have fought shoulder to shoulder to protect, ever since the 5th of May, 1862. VIVA! el CINCO DE MAYO!!


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Today’s Drink Recipe: Barney On Acid

Barney On Acid

1/2 oz Jagermeister ® herbal liqueur
1/2 blue curacao
splash of cranberry

As a shot: Shake all ingredients with ice. Strain into a large shot glass or rocks glass. Enjoy!

Alt: Build over ice with more cranberry to make a full sized drink.

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Today’s Drink Recipe: Brave Bull

For Doug

Brave Bull

1 1/2 oz tequila
1 oz coffee liqueur
1 twist lemon peel

Pour tequila and coffee liqueur over ice cubes in an old-fashioned glass and stir. Add the twist of lemon and serve.

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