Monthly Archives: November 2008

Things that sound dirty on Thanksgiving!


This amuses me every year, so time to share it:

Things That Sound Dirty On Thanksgiving!!!!!

  1. “Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.”
  2. “How many are coming?”
  3. “Just lay back and take it easy–I’ll do the rest.”
  4. “I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”
  5. “That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”
  6. “Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.”
  7. “How long will it take after you stick it in?”
  8. “How long do I beat it before it’s ready?”
  9. “Are you going to come again next time?”
  10. “It’s a little dry. Do you still want to eat it?”
  11. “Just wait your turn. You’ll get some!”
  12. “Don’t play with your meat!”
  13. “Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?”
  14. “You still have a little bit on your chin.”
  15. “You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.”
  16. “Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!”
  17. “I am in the mood for a little dark meat.”
  18. “And he forces his way into the end zone!”
  19. “It’s cool whip time!”
  20. “If I don’t unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!”

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test

jsut testing my new haloscan components

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It’s Tuesday, Do You Know Where Your Liver Is?

It has become a habit for me, a movement in my mind. Sometimes friends join me, sometimes I go it alone. Mrs. Tiki has come along once, but it kind of goes against the grain of thought. I am talking about “Tuesday Afternoon Social Club”.

I love my job, in case it isn’t evident. But Tiki, one might say, you have to work nights and weekends. Doesn’t that suck? Well, I would reply, not really. First, think about your days and nights. Wouldn’t you say, for the most part, that you run into more interesting people at night? Second, most people have to wait for vacation (or unemployment) to experience the pure hedonism of being drunk in the middle of a weekday.

There is something very liberating about being on the deck of Finnegan’s looking down at the buzzing workers going by on A1A.

Or sitting in the Fisherman’s Net eating and drinking as people come and go for lunch.

Or drinking Coronas from the owner as we browse the wares at Bahama Mama’s.

It really just further adds to the feeling of being a “perma-vacationer”.

Perma-vacationer
(n) As defined in the movie The Heartbreak Kid, someone who lives and works where others come to vacation.

Seriously, when I get a little stressed out all I have to do is look at my life from another point of view. I work 120 feet from the beach. I park in sand when I get to work. I can walk from my front door to the ocean in about 14 minutes.

By the way, when I drive to work or walk to the beach this is the view as I crest the causeway…

Since leaving Missouri and my job in juvenile corrections behind, this is my resume:

April 1996-May 2001 Palm Coast Golf Resort / Ocean Hammock Resort
After starting as a bellman, worked as a front deck clerk and a night auditor. Spent the last three years there as the Front Office Manager. While there, I was involved in the Grand Opening of Ocean Hammock Golf Course. Met a few noteworthy people such as Brooke Shields, Dan Marino, Kyle Petty, Jerry Springer, Joseph Simmons (Run from Run-DMC), Luther Campbell (from 2 Live Crew), Jack Nicklaus, and other golf and tennis names.

July 2001-June 2002 World Golf Village
Although this was not my favorite job, it was still pretty cool. I was the Operations Manager at a hotel in the World Golf Village. Got to meet golf dignitaries such as Bill Murray, Gary McCord, Ben Crenshaw, & Gary Player.

August 2002-September 2004 Tee Times USA
Besides sitting in a beachfront office watching dolphins and talking golf all day, I also got to play some of Florida’s top course for free. in fact, for the first 9 years I lived in Florida I didn’t pay for a round of golf.

September 2004-July 2005 Henry’s Harborside Bar
Back to my roots at the Ocean Hammock Resort, my first bartending job and the birthplace of the nickname “TikiTender”. I was just telling a customer last night, I was hired here with no experience. The bar manager, Beth, and I worked together when I was the Front Office Manager. She knew that I was good with customers, hard working, and wasn’t a thief. Attention future bartenders, these are the keys that potential employers look for. All the bartending schools in the world will not guarantee you a job. Restaurant owners will expect you to prove your mettle, most likely as a server or a barback, before they will give you the keys to the kingdom. So Beth gave me my shot, and I learned the easy part (drink recipes) from a great team of bartenders and tireless research on my part.

June 2005- Golden Lion
My own private margartaville, the Golden Lion is where I flourished as a bartender. I have signature drinks there and I am forced to stare at the beach during my shift. See the picture below, from our Full Moon Luau? See in the background? You guessed it, it’s the Atlantic Ocean.

So….those Life Is Good t-shirts really should have a picture of me. Life is truly good. I really do live in a postcard. Of course, it’s a state of mind too. I see people living and working right here where I do that are stressed, miserable, & incessant whiners. I especially enjoy watching them from where ever I might be perched on Tuesday afternoon. Which brings me back around to Tuesday Afternoon Social Club. It’s Tuesday. Join me for a drink!!!

If you aren’t local, just join me in your mind. Or go out for drinks in your town. Take a long lunch, leave work early. Call me and we will have “phone drinks”. Jason & I have had many drunken fantasies of Tuesday Afternoon Social Club catching on all over the country. Let’s start it today!!!

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What is a MUG?


mug
(n) : a large cup for hot liquids, usually having a handle and used without a saucer; the face, often used deprecatingly
what an ugly mug.”
(v) : to assault for the purpose of robbery; to pose for photographs in an exaggerated or affected manner

No not those kind of mugs. I am referring to Male Unbifurcated Garments. Unbifurcated garments – including kilts, robes, caftans, sarongs, tunics, and other skirt-like garments – are traditionally male clothing that have been worn by men throughout history. They have been worn by all the men in the Bible, by Roman gladiators, Vikings, and Scottish Highlanders. They are still worn frequently by men in Scotland, throughout Africa, the Middle East, parts of Asia, and the Pacific islands, to name just a few examples.

The real kilt is strictly a male garment – in contrast to unisex clothes like slacks and blue jeans that women wear most of the time.

However, it takes a brave man to wear a kilt, outside of Scotland or Scottish gatherings.

Why? Because, while women can wear almost anything they want nowadays, our society subjects men to a rigid stereotype that confines them to trousers. Few men have the courage to break out of this mold, for fear that their masculinity will be questioned.

Ironically, the men who cling to trousers are missing the opportunity to wear something really masculine, like a man’s kilt. A man in a kilt is proud, independent, and courageous. He exudes confidence in his manhood and sexuality. He draws positive reactions from those around him (especially from the ladies).

Furthermore, men in trousers are denying themselves the exquisite comfort and pleasure afforded by kilts and other MUG’s. Instead of plodding around with their legs confined and fabric bunched up in their crotches, they could be enjoying freedom and airiness around the legs and crotch, as well as the sensuous feeling of pleats swinging against their thighs.

So that’s why I love my MUGs!! That is why I braved the cold ocean winds all day yesterday as I celebrated “Freedom Friday”, a new weekly celebration that I am creating right now. So from now on…Friday is kilt day in TikiLand!!!

If you are on myspace, check out my new photo album “Freedom From Pants”, to see my MUGs and me in action.

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Recipes Page Updated!!!!

Check out the new recipes page at tikitender.com

Now featuring “Tiki Notes”. Just look for my little smiling face for special tips, insights, or stories about the recipes.

All new recipes added, as well as some new navigational aides. Enjoy!!!!

tikitender.com/recipes.html will take you straight to the recipes page!!

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Check out my new friend!!

I ran into this site on flickr.com. Go check out my newest friend from down under!!!

Check my page for more interesting links, www.tikitender.com/links.html

Jo Young Photography – Home

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LinkedIn: Mark Woods

Join me on linkedin

LinkedIn: Mark Woods

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Stick tricks – USB memory magic

If, like a growing number of people, you’re in possession of a rarely-used USB memory stick, here’s four simple but incredibly useful tips that’ll not only give it a whole new lease of life but can also simplify your world.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/technology/news/article.cfm?c_id=5&objectid=10543909&pnum=0

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my all new kaboodle…

actually I no longer use kaboodle…i have started using http://www.thethingsiwant.com.
It’s a “wish list” site that utilizes an easy to use toolbar button to add your items. Surfing amazon.com and see a CD you like? Add it to your list. Easy Peazy!

Anyhow, for your information if you choose to use it. Plus, if you should feel the need to shower me with gifts my wishlist can be found at http://www.thethingsiwant.com/tikitender/list/wishlist/

I will be adding some items today so check back 😀

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‘Cleopatra: Last Queen of Egypt’ | csmonitor.com

With the help of everyone from William Shakespeare to Elizabeth Taylor, history has found plenty of ways to depict the ancient world’s most famous woman. Who was Cleopatra? Take your pick: Fearless leader. Sly seductress. Brazen hussy.

Separating the truth from myth about Cleopatra is no easy matter. British historian Joyce Tyldesley makes a valiant attempt in her new biography, Cleopatra: Last Queen of Egypt, but she has trouble giving us a full portrait of this most mysterious of monarchs.

‘Cleopatra: Last Queen of Egypt’ | csmonitor.com

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